Thursday, September 30, 2010

abandonment

I just had a dream that I vented to Matt about how I've been wanting to talk to him so bad. Matt is representative of himself (sorry), but also a lot of people that I've been missing so much.

I spoke to my Dean at school when I was sad, and she said that ever since freshman year, including little things I've lightly told her every now and then, the word that comes through her mind is "abandonment."

Please don't leave me now because I need you.
And I know nothing can take away what we had, but you all can take away the pain I feel now.

love you.


p.s.- I'll never stop smiling because I'll always have memories. :)

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

New Years

Are we doing New Year's in NYC? That's what I've heard... but I just want to make sure that I'm not off in my own little fairy land.
Discuss?
Today in Bio class, my teacher noticed that I was rushing around, knocking things over and seeming generally flustered. "Is everything okay?" He asked. I was taken aback. I don't know him at all, but this is the first time anyone from home had asked about "feelings" since like the dawn of time, unlike at TMS when it is a regular topic of conversation. I managed an "Absolutely! I'm just slow, you know that!" but everything is NOT okay. I am failing math. I have like three friends, only one of whom I actually like. I have no impetus to do anything at all except make money, weirdly. My college counselor listed all the reasons I am not going to get into college, and TMS was one of them. My life is filled with irrational people. I miss you guys all so much.

I know we agreed not to bond over hating home. I don't hate home. It just sucks a lot right now. Can't wait till New Years...
I've been so incredibly busy since school started I haven't gotten a chance to ever read or ever post on this blog. Tonight is no exception as I have a vast amount of work to do...but I felt it was necessary as one of my best friends wrote a suicide note about a week ago. He never seems depressed and is (almost) as happy as I am. It was completely out of the blue and really stopped me in my tracks. It made me question if I was really happy. I did a lot of thinking and I do believe I am, but it did kind of scare me. To think that someone I know so incredibly well could be fighting this hidden battle was a petrifying thought. I just wanted to re-assure to everyone who was fortunate enough to go to The Mountain School that we're all in this together and no matter what happens: it's all good. No really. No matter how much stress you are under or what kind of problems have arisen, you have all of us. Everyone that went is so special. And i know a lot of people told us, but I can genuinely say it. Even if during our semester we had our qualms and little stupid scuffles, they were meaningless. We lived in rural fucking Vermont (no offense VT'ers) for four months, it was bound to happen. But whats more important is that we all left on good terms. I don't have words to describe how much you all mean to me and how much I miss everyone and how fucking excited for New Years I am.
Love lex
P.S my friend is in the Yale mental health institution and is supposed to be released soon so all is well.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I went up for brunch the other day with a couple other locals and it was really nice but also a little weird. Jimmy said "its like a brochure. I know the place but not the people" which pretty much summed it up. Jimmy and I gave the miles boys a little ramen gift to keep the tradition going. they loved it, especially because their going on solo tomorrow. its nuts. but i think its supposed to be rainy the whole week. anyway, i played some knockout, they play superknockout to the games last FOREVER, but i was winning until Ida got me out. she has a similar tactic to her brother. the weirdest part for me was to walk into the foyer in the academic building and not seeing all of your names on the cubbies. going back brought back so many memories. i miss that place and all of you sooo much.

much love

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Day 12

Woke up at 7:30 this morning; rushed to the shower and to my chore. Only had time to do the bathrooms before breakfast, which was a lovely French Toast and grapefruit. I got a little bit out of it, bit I feel like I can still get more fruit from it. I also had a glass of milk, which does not go well with grapefruit. At school meeting, it was announced that there would be a valentine's dance, and my date, at least for the door, was Megan B.

Aidan and I cut down seven trees in wood crew, and we got our axe licenses. Wood crew is sick. There's just something awesome about cutting down a tree and sawing it into tiny pieces. The test for the axe license was kinda hack, though. Lunch was a soup (that I didn't have), spinach, cheese, and pesto souffles (of which I had the second two), Irish soda bread (of which I had two slices), and brownie pie (that Charlotte made. It was very good.) During my free period I read the English reading and was inspired to go to the place, Glacier Peak. I listened to some Rush and played guitar some, and in doing so was late to History. Well, I was on time getting there, but then I tried to print my essay on the slow computers and was late. I put it in Kit's mailbox afterward, so it turned out okay.

There was a good discussion in History today- I participated a fair amount, though Matt and Nell still owned the table. In English we didn't really accomplish anything, David, Taylor, Charlotte, and I. We mostly laughed about things. I was assigned Mellifulous as a word to define. After that I had a meeting with Susie, but on my way to said meeting I ran into Hallie, who greeted me with a “long time no see”. It was a great meeting- we had a nice conversation, and she even knows Throw It On The Ground! It's always nice to find another TIOTGer. During my free I did the Spanish exercises and chatted with several people online. Jackie wrote on my wall saying they missed me and I replied, I talked with Kasey about Nacho's coat and college with Ines, and Arya about (what else?) Brophy problems. She really seems to miss me- I think she'll be surprised at the dance concert. [I totally surprised her by showing up. She was like, "WAAOOOW you're here!" and I was like, "sup."]

Dinner was lasagna and good bread. Afterward Sue Kruse explained my new chore to me- keeping the pantry clear. Before dinner, or sometime during today, Hallie came over and said she missed our interactions. Wait, that was right after dinner. Anyway, she missed that time last night. My new chore involves sweeping, but less of it that Offices. I also organize food packages and fold boxes.

I went back to Miles after it being explained and read what History I had to. Sam and I eventually got it done. I then read the English section and now I really want to go there. Sam and I laughed at Lonely Island songs and WTFed at the Bad Romance music video. We installed the christmas lights in the common room, and are saving a lot of electricity with them. The Stewie Football is also a great hit. My parents sent me a chocolate heart and an odd Cupig card. Check-in with Comfort was fine, more good times. I'll read the last page for History after this, then get ready for bed. I'm glad I wrote my journal for Jack on Saturday; everyone is stressing tonight. I like the lights in the common room- they really make it seem like a home.

rAMEN

Whenever I eat ramen noodles I think of our Solo trip.
Then I remember that day when we were all on Garden Hill and Jimmy said 'ramen' after someone said 'amen'.

I miss you all.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

homesick

I just had some friends over. We had a lot of fun and I felt special to have such great friends, but once they left, I immediately went onto the computer and looked at mountain school stuff. I looked at the new album on the tms website of the new semester and I just burst into tears. I haven't cried in a little while about mountain school. I guess it was necessary, like a cleansing thing. I really just don't know how to be ok with not living there anymore. I feel so incomplete. I can distract myself with temporary hapiness from home, but it is not the same. nothing is the same as what it was there. I miss everyone so much, and I know we all feel the same way, but I also feel like I just haven't been home in the longest time. in this new album, there is a birds eye view picture of mtn school and I saw the path from the academic building up to my dorm; a path that i walked so many times and brings back the most vivid memories. These memories make me so happy but so empty becuase I just know that I'll never get to recreate them. I just wish we were back there, loving eachother

Random lines

Well, I opened my journal and found some capital swear words. Sorry 'bout that.

WHAT THE FUCK!I screamed in my head and whispered aloud. I thought this place was supposed to be different.
I just don't know.
Maybe if I just lied ans was a complete asshole to 50% of the people I know it would be different.
It's so refreshing I don't think I'm ready to go back tomorrow.
I think I hate this place as much as I love it.
It might be a lonely place. I don't know what's better.
I found a new sitting place which I really like.
As my feet pounded before me I yelled, cried, accepted the pain with a grim delight.

That was really interesting. I randomly chose the lines. Kinda interesting what came up. Someone is free to move this to a comment of the first post. I was just following precedent.

random lines from my journal

We had to kneel in front of the alter and then another person poured syrup in my mouth from a cup.

Anyways, I was sitting in the library, just beat, at a table by myself trying to get some work done so I could sleep tonight.

I miss that affection.

It's nice to finally feel comfortable/completely comfortable not the fake hey we're both here at TMS comfy at the beginning with anyone here.

I'm not exactly sure, but for whatever reason, Sunday evening was a party in the laundry room.

I really want to see a lamb birth!

I'm never not me -- even when i'm not acting like myself, it's still me doing that.

Sure, leading up to this time I kept thinking I'm going to TMS soon, it never really sunk in that I was going to TMS until that day -- in the car on the way up; just like that previous feeling, it hasn't quite sunk in that I'm going home.

Multiple random sentences from my journal

We did this in my dorm a couple times- we'd just open to a random page in our journals and read the first sentence we saw. I'm trying to get inspiration for an essay, so I thought I'd do it now too. I'd love it if other people commented with one-liners from their journals.

It doesn't feel like it's only our second full day here.
I think I'm getting sick.
I hope I don't fall in[to Back Brook]. Then I'd be wet and cold and pretty far from the main buildings.
So maybe I won't fail the physics test after all... that would be nice.
I won my first game of knock-out today.
It's so surreal not to be [at TMS] anymore. My head hurts from my attempts not to cry, and I feel overwhelmed and depressed to be back in the "real world."

Sunday, September 19, 2010

let me come home....please

I spent most of the summer explaining to people what we had done with the song 'Home' by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes but fell short because I couldn't remember all of the lyrics. I told them that the only copies I knew of were in the time capsule.

But then I was going through my folder of guitar music and found a copy of the lyrics and it caught me by complete surprise - I was actually shocked. I played the original on low volume and sang our words through my happy tears (but no one can act out the conversation better than Maddy and Claire).

It's hard to admit that I am enjoying my time at my school (but I am).
It's easy to acknowledge that I couldn't enjoy anything more than I enjoyed you all last spring.

Megawatts of love

what?
watt?
hahah.

Another day, another entry. I've been asked how I found the time to do these. Well, I did it after check-in, whether I had work or not. In our room, there'd be three kids tapping away at laptops. Jake would ask Sam a clarifying question about dirt or energy, and Sam would say something about Susie's class; they were both stressed. Then I'd pipe up: HEY GUYS? WHAT DID WE HAVE FOR LUNCH TODAY? WAS IT PASTA? I CAN'T REMEMBER. And somehow they didn't hurt me.

Day 11

Oh boy today. Breakfast was delicious- sausage and gravy on toast. I had my humble today, and in the morning I told the story of Sylvie putting water in a cup. We had a Scavenger Hunt in Farm Seminar- just finding farm-related things around campus. We were grouped by dish crews, and though Phoebe had good energy the rest of us were lackluster. E. Sci. was stressful. Printing out my rough draft (which lacks real flow... I think I'll still understand it by the end though.) was way too hard. Lunch was turkey melts, chicken melts, and corn chowder. It was some turkey with cheese melted over toast- quite good. The chowder was also a consistent hit.

I chatted with Grace before Work/Activities, and that was fun. In Bruceworks we built two sawhorses, or sawbucks as he calls them. There's probably a small difference. It was fun drilling everything together, though we didn't get to saw anything. We also sifted ash from trash cans. The cans were very heavy and my fingers were hurting by the end. I was covered in dust afterward, and Bruce took an air hose and blew the dust off Katja and I. It smelled funny. We were wearing masks and goggles to protect us from inhaling dust, and it was hard to breath.

These last few hours, if you'll let me go on a tangent, have been hard- trying to write an essay about something I don't know. Kit gave us no question- we had to devise one ourselves- and something as open-ended as that becomes hard for me when I don't know on what to focus. I feel like he's the teacher, he should ask us what he wants us to know. Maybe I should've just written 500 words on everything I know about the 1890s. Deja vu here for some reason. Anyway. Odd thoughts over.

Spanish was actually cool- we had some good discussions. I went first so I could say something and space out. I did well on the reading quiz we had, and I feel the upcoming homework will be easy. Past tense this time, oh boy. I gave my retooled Hangover speech as my nighttime humble to a great response. Dinner was steak tips/pot roast, corn, and mashed potatoes was gravy. All of it was good. Upon coming back to my table, Rebecca did that thing she always does where she goes “hey, good job” and throws out a fist-pound in an overly nonchalant manner. I don't know what she means by that.

I had the auditions for the musical afterward, and I gave it my all. I was loud and invested. It was fun; I think everyone enjoyed it. I didn't sing though. Hallie and I went to an English room to do Precalc homework, and for some reason we spoke in cockney accents and discussed swearing. It's fun doing work with her; it makes it go by quicker (it seems) and it's just nice to do work a day early. I finally went back to my dorm and wrote an awful History paper: no real consistent thought, too much explanation... just 522 words. I hope the quiz will be different. The not-working part of tonight was very fun. It's just in the working part that I'm getting into Amanda Palmer-music mode.

Patrick played his guitar at check-in and we all devoured a box of Cheezits and a bag of Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles. Blake says is next? Yes, it is. I really know this album well. Blake Says after Leeds United. Maybe I'll play some Wolfmother next... I haven't listened to the Dropkick Murphys in a while... hm. Hm. Arya wrote on my wall that she misses me. I sort of do- I really like most people here, and my roommates are awesome- but there's also how she always does the same thought problems with herself. I guess I like seeing her more than not. I'll tell her stuff when I get back. Things are getting odd. I don't know what might happen with people, but I guess I have four months here. That's a lot of time for things to happen. Amanda Palmer really is some sad time music. I'm not really sad though- just tired of writing bad essays. I'll brush my teeth and listen to some, I don't know, Beatles.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Stressed... this fall is already hell

Hi everyone
Does anyone else feel like this fall is going to be awful? I've only been in school since Monday and homework + sports + college stuff + being back at my school are making my life so miserable right now. My friends are all acknowledging that "they're going through it too" when I try to talk to them about it but they are not, in fact, having to deal with returning to high school and living with their parents after spending a semester away. I had a great relationship with my parents while I wasn't living at home but now that school has started it's a pile of broken shards of glass- when I was stressed at TMS they'd try to calm me down and reassure me, and now they're the ones bugging me to go to bed and do my homework and "why haven't you finished this or that yet?" I'm just so frustrated by the entire scenario. My coach is being obnoxious at the moment and I just feel like an angsty teen who is mad at the world for no apparent reason. Everything is spiraling out of control and it's driving me crazy. I either need to be a 5 year old again or for it to be the fall of 2011 when I'm in college. Right here and right now are not working for me.
Thanks for letting me rant.
i was looking through some pics from opening day and came across this. im so happy that doug took a picture of this because i didnt

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXARdPb4YBs

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Underpants

Ian, I think it's time to tell you...
The last day of school I found a pair of underpants in the laundry room with the initials IMK on them. So obviously I took them and they've been hanging on my wall all summer.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Miles Crazy

When I had a few people up for Labor Day weekend, we were able to record a song Ian had recently written, it's called Miles Crazy and I posted a link on the group if you want to download it.

On another note, I'm into my third week of school and I'm liking it less and less every day. I mean I'm fine as long as I'm doing something, but as soon as I get bored I start thinking about what I would have been doing and where I would be if we were all still at Mountain School and then I start to get depressed. So I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I've reached a new understanding of what we had, and how you really don't know what you've got until it's gone.


I miss you all so much and hope your all doing well.

Much love

Monday, September 13, 2010

words i found

These are excerpts I found in my box of papers, my journal, readings, etc. They are things people said, I said, Emerson said, so sorry for the copyright issues here.



Last night I realized that Mountain School has changed me. I didn't want to change. But I like me better now.
Love is the root.
You need to be exactly who you want to be, right now.
There's nothing wrong with not understanding yourself.
If we live truly, we shall see truly.
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
I hope to dream.
Peaceful sleep for you!
Everything in the melting pot melts.
Isn't the universe just so good?
Love your neighbor, ...
Go snuggle with Maddy!
Big ass maple.


Besides these snippets the most common phrase I found was
I love you.

Mountain School love is the strongest around.




Sunday, September 12, 2010

Another solid day. You know, I really admire the strength of a tree. I'm taking an engineering course this year, and I am amazed at how nature got to be so sturdy all by itself. I bet a man could be at the top of any tree on TMS campus with no danger whatsoever. Anyway, the previous sentences will probably have nothing to do with the entry today. Just random thoughts. Another: I enjoy it when a story is being performed and it's broken up by songs. Wouldn't it be dandy if there was something like that at TMS? Pay it no mind. More random thoughts.

Day 10

Oh snap, we in the double digits now. I woke up at 6:59, which left me plenty of time to wake up again at 7:30 and hastily do my chore before breakfast: popovers, potatoes, an orange and a glass of skim milk. I had History first and had a hard time keeping my mind on the discussion: a recurring theme. We have an essay due Wednesday, and I don't know what I might write mine on. I'll ask Kit later. In my free next I mostly hung out on Digg, saw an awesome smbc comic.

I think I printed out my English essay on paper that was only blank on one side. Facepalm then, but Jack later said he was fine with it. I think I heard him say he was proud of me, which makes no sense. In Precalc, [Redacted. Not a nice thing.] I did that work with Hallie during fourth, helping her through problems but not making them explicit. Lunch was a rehash: pizza and corn chowder, but there was a tasty chicken and broccoli casserole that I'm pretty sure was new.

Taylor and I helped Nick get meter readings during Work/Activities, and we installed energy monitors in the rest of the dorms. Some of my iTunes songs are being odd in terms of skipping and rapidly increasing/decreasing volume: The Answer Lies Within and Dyer Maker come to mind immediately, but there are others. After installing the meters, we all went back to Derby and read the instruction manual to see how to program them so they could output different readouts. It was very boring, and I progressed into that stage where I'm really tired and act quite crazy. Spanish was average; we discussed themes in the reading and had a quiz on the present tense, commands, and gerunds. I could practice a few commands some more.

Apparently Pat fell while talking about bending a birch tree. He was okay during our E. Sci. class (take note of the epic typo: “He was oaky”.), and explained parallax with gusto. That class is going to be like Geometry, in that we have chapter summaries. I sat with Kit, Comfort, Rowan, and Cedar during dinner. Shizuei, Kate, Kiana, and Danny were admiring Cedar the whole time. Rowan kept mentioning Sir Topham Hat, and how Cedar was him. They served more rice and beans (this time they were different- with tomatoes and other vegetables) and fried chicken (Cajun chicken today). For Charlotte's birthday, there were cupcakes. We had two stare-downs before dinner in the classroom, both of which I won. There was a third in the dining hall that I think we forfeited, and apparently I was tearing up and my eyes were turning red. I did not feel anything. Her cupcakes were rich and cold, but the paper did stick to the cake a bit too much.

I headed back to Miles shortly after with Danny and Rosii talking about swears in different languages, and listened to some Wolfmother before starting my Spanish reading. I then typed up my E. Sci. chapter, or at least a rough rough draft, with diagrams to be added in tomorrow, and will get a History outline prepared after writing this at 9:08. I might include the time now in these. Also I might add the date. I have my humble tomorrow, which should be fun.

Check-in later will probably include Kit sternly talking about quiet hours. Alright, let's see what I might write an essay on. (Well, it was Dan [doing check-in] and my keyboard occasionally double hits some keys. Odd. I think we should play Jane Says next, and Dan approves. There's talk of a musical. I don't know if I'll do it or not. Might as well try. A concert and short plays would be better, in my opinion... Lots of time now before lights out and no work to do. I feel a little bad for not having any work while everyone else is slaving away at essays, but I guess I'm just better at managing time. [Holy shit I cannot believe how much of an asshole I sounded like... wow. I am ashamed.] We'll all learn how to do well sooner or later.

Knockout


The one and only. :)

I MISS YOU SO MUCH.


fall 10

when i look through their albums, I can't help but be painfully jealous, but also be so happy for them because they don't even know it yet, but this place will change their lives.

http://public.fotki.com/mtschool/fall-2010/knockout/ciderwoodstackharvestkit.html

Saturday, September 11, 2010

:)

Listened to this today while doing history. Couldn't help but stop working, start smiling, and think of all of you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXARdPb4YBs

i love you all soooooooooooooooooooo much

Video

I kinda like it. Some of the recent posts reminded me of this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

Friday, September 10, 2010

blurgh.

so i'm curled up in my bed at about midnight watching david's slideshow (MAD props again david by the way) and crying and snorting and cracking up especially at that video of pat and the leafblower and the ball and god...guys i just...

i wish i had played knockout more. i wish i had gone swimming in derby pond more, i wish i had danced in crazy dish crew parties, i wish i had been in more pictures, i wish tobold had gone on that camping trip (summer 2011??), i wish i had forced rowan to give me just one hug. (for the record, these are little wishes--not really regrets. i think.) i want to go back in time and shake myself and say THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE ONLY MOUNTAIN SCHOOL YOU WILL EVER HAVE. DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THAT MEANS? DO YOU REALIZE HOW INCREDIBLY PRECIOUS THE EMBERS OF TIME HERE ARE? YOU ARE NEVER COMING BACK. ONCE MAY COMES, YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO CUT DOWN ANOTHER TREE AND YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO SLEEP IN THIS BED AND YOU ARE NEVER, EVER GOING TO GO ON SOLO AGAIN. LOVE IT. BREATHE IT. GET DRUNK ON IT, WHATEVER IT HAPPENS TO BE AT THE MOMENT.

the weirdest thing is i know i felt that way. i absolutely did. but now with school starting again i cannot believe it's over for good. i see myself in those pictures and i am the happiest i've ever looked, because i was the happiest i've ever been. i want that back. i want it back so badly.

in short...blurgh.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

so i was picking out my clothes for tomorrow (yes i still pick out my clothes the night before like im in 1st grade) and it includes carhartt flannel, farm worn jeans, and hiking boots

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

New Years

Hey guys,
Can we start planning New Years? Since school started its actually all I can think about. I feel like so many of us are planning on coming to New York, but we don't really have a plan. I don't know exactly what planning would consist of, but I just wanted to see if anybody else was thinking about it and just put it out there if your not.

Also, Ian, I think day 69 is a good day to share. Just sayin. I think a lot of us agree....
I've never really had visible problems before. I like to think I've been the sturdy one, the one who tells people in distress to relax, slowly work through it, you can do it, it'll be fine. I am the one whose turbulence is kept inside, placated with a favorite song, and forgotten until tomorrow. I wasn't crying at the end of May because in my mind TMS could never end. Is it just hitting me now that it's over? I did my fair share of seeing folks over the summer, and I maintain that with Skype we're never not connected, despite how far west of the Mississippi we may live, but suddenly I'm feeling this longing for seeing people; I just wish you were here! I read the messages in your voice, remember your face and mannerisms, place that in an appropriate location--the library? Pat's class?--but it's not real. The top keeps spinning. I want you, the irregularities, the awkward references and sentences I can't help but bring up; I want you in person so we can just be.

I haven't been back at school for that long now, but in the days that I've stood in the same halls I was standing in since literally birth and hearing everyone reconnect, I can't help but feel sad.
Yes, there are familiar faces. Yes, once classes really get going it won't be so bad, yes, it's possible to make new friends, but given the number of people I really knew well minus those who graduated and factoring in a six-month absence from their lives, I feel intimidated.
Everyone has their circles. They move around through activities and talk with their friends. It's organic. It flows. I go from class to class with that purpose and no other. I talk with someone. It's forced. I work my way through the treacherous world of small-talk, joyous when I see someone I haven't used all my stored questions on yet: How's your summer? What classes do you have?
Yes, it'll get better. Yes, I can decide to attend 'social events', to at least be outside instead of on the internet searching for a funny picture I haven't seen yet. Yes, I will know more people and form new inside jokes. Yes, I'll work up the courage and things will work out.
But for now I'm melancholy.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Day 9

Woke up today and tried to get ready without waking Jake and Sam, but when I came back in after my shower they woke up. Before brunch I was in the library doing some History reading and some digg-ing, with my chore in between. Brunch was very big- I had some sausage lumps, rice and beans, eggs, milk, an orange, and some crepes with strawberry toppings. Afterwards, Sam, Kiana, Phoebe, Gabby and I had dish crew... what a blast. I really don't like sweeping anymore. Washing pots is still neutral. Pork and Beans was playing on the radio at some point, and Jack showed me almost every job there was, so I guess that was a plus. Also, while I was sweeping, a faculty kid showed me his money. He seemed nervous. It was odd. [I think this was Cole, maybe Benjamin, with Monopoly money]

We finished dish crew around one, at which point I think I went back to Miles to do some History readi-no, it was the library. I had a sick chat with Grace [My sister, who's a dancer and performed with her company the previous day]: You missed a great dance show. No I didn't. Yes you did. Was is you silly duckling performance? Yes. Then no, I didn't. Yes you did. It was you silly duckling performance? YES. Then no, I didn't.

I also chatted with Brophy. He's sad his History class is so hard. I wonder how the class structure changed with the addition of Sofia. She's in two pictures in the office, with the same bright smile in both. It draws the eye to it. After finally getting most of the reading done I headed back to Miles to write that E. Sci. letter; I ended up choosing Mark and Anne to write to, since Dad already knows most of that, probably. It took me a while to finish- Jake, Sam and I were having laugh riots involving label makers and the putting up of maps. I finished that, Jake left, and Sam and I took like an hour to read two pages. We laughed a lot.

We finished that and headed to dinner: pizza and a type of rich peanut-butter chocolate cake. I had some everything, meat-lovers, pepperoni, and plain cheese pizza. It was very filling. Sam, Freddy, Rosii, Shizuei, Kiana, Adrija, and Sarah were having a conversation about risque dancing and other stories, but Sarah was being a bitch. [Much love, Sarah. But my story about the kid named Surindra, his brother Avindra, and his dad Steve is QUALITY!!] We have coat hangers in our cave [Our cave being a closet in our room]! After dinner I decided to write that English essay about water having rejuvenating powers. So I wrote that English essay about water having rejuvenating powers. When I finished throw it on the ground [An SNL digital short and favored procrastination technique of Miles East Triple], I went up to the dining hall, but everyone was in the library studying. That was no fun.

So I went back to Miles and chilled with Sam, Jimmy and Jake. Jake's doing work. We're laughing. My parents called, and we had some good talks. Oh, right. I would've watched the Super Bowl, or listen to it on the radio in the dining hall, but not enough people were there and it didn't happen. When I was talking with my parents they said the Saints had just scored, so I know it's at least 7-0. We tried to watch I'm On a Boat, but it's apparently silent study hours, so Comfort quashed our sing-along. I worked on that MS Paint TMS logo some more: cleaning up on the white spots along the edges. We talked about SNL Digital Shorts before check-in. Comfort brought up some brownies that were dry and cakelike, but went well with the popcorn Rafi discovered in his room. Oh No is a good album.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

in the spirit of "a letter to a teacher"

I was inspired to write a note to, no, not my favorite teacher at Mountain School but one who, in the end, affected me the most. Perhaps no one would want to read this but what i have realized in the past week has made me appreciate even more what we were so privileged to learn last spring.
Susie-
The past couple of days the reality of the common application, and the whole college process, has set in. I had been struggling with the essay, uninspired by the prompts given and intimidated by the "topic of your choice" option. But today I opened up my Mountain School file and re-read all of my speeches and the unused prose that I had edited out and saved on various disjointed documents. I was so struck by the honesty of my writing and realized that this, this writing, was what I wanted to represent me as I mailed myself away to various respectable institutions in bits and pieces. And I know that that writing, that genuineness that I eventually achieved standing behind that dimly lit podium in the corner of the english room, is nearly all because of you. I have never had to look at myself as I did in your class and I am just beginning to appreciate that. I wanted, and desperately needed, to thank you; you helped me claim words again, helped me sustain the confidence to share sentences and paragraphs while holding eyes with every single person in that room. I have never so wanted to impress a teacher, or anyone, as much as I wanted to impress you in that class and though, at the time, I resented that desire I know now that that was pure inspiration. I can never tell you how much you and those fifty minutes four days a week did for me. Thank you.