halloween

hey everybody. so today is halloween as i am sure you are aware and i couldn't help but wonder...what do you think they do for halloween at tms? do they trick-or-treat at different dorms? does marilyn make caramel apples or something else equally spectacular and halloweeny? do they carve jackolanterns out of their own pumpkins? it got me thinking about it a lot, and now im super nostalgic! what does everyone think? i bet it's amazing no matter what.

anyway, i personally am going trick-or-treating tonight and i am looking forward to pounds upon pounds of candy. AW YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! happy halloween my dear kittens! miss you all lots. love to everybody :)

Helga and Phoebe

Today I had played my last soccer game on our home field. It was a tough game. We played against a team that we got absolutely slaughtered by earlier in the season. In the second half they scored three goals in about 5 minutes. But we came back strong ending the game with a 4-2 loss. Even though we lost I was incredibly proud of my team, but I burst into tears as soon as the whistle blew. Soccer is the closest thing I have to you guys. Were such a mismatched team. There are the pot heads who smoke every weekend, and the type a, straight a kind of girls. But our team works so well because were such an unlikely group, and we love each other all the more because of it. At Mountain School we had a similar dynamic. We became so close by leaving our comfort zone and living and working with people we normally would not. So it seems to me that the best friendships I have are with people that are the people that are more unlikely. But if that's true, how can I find these people on my own, without being pushed in the right direction with something like soccer or TMS? I don't know if this is actually making sense. But basically I love you guys. And I'm worried I won't be able to find that same type of relationships on my own.

What an exciting day we have before us! Winter Carnivals! Broomball matches to the death! Improvisation nights! And more! tbqh I had kind of a rough day. Started coming down with some illness, and though I played well at our school's Coffeehouse, kids playing four chord songs got more applause, making me :'(. Oh well. Things get better. I bet as soon as I get some sleep the days'll brighten up.

Day 22

Breakfast today... oatmeal. We had to prepare for the winter carnival, and Yomalis, Zoe RA, Dan and I put up signs pointing to everything. It took a while for things to get started. There was good Beatles music playing at the finish line of the snowshoe-a-thon, even if there was no snow at the finish line. People shoveled snow onto it, set up banners, burned a bonfire, and prepared Face Painting, Crafts, Psychic Readings, Cookie Decorating, and Story Corner. I had nothing to do until noon, so I wandered around, dancing and stuff. A little before I had lunch (Chile, rice, coleslaw, cornbread, butterscotch brownies), and then went to serve food with Yomalis and Phoebe. Lex wouldn't give up his post, for whatever reason. I didn't really do that much work at all... instead I visited people in Story Corner. I just pulled a pillow-like feather out of my long underwear and I don't know how it got there.

Susie babysat Neil Peart's kids, if you didn't know. Once we finished cleaning up the whole carnival I put my laundry in, and... I can't remember. I know at 4 there was broomball... but until then I don't know what I did. I suppose I just chilled with people... oh, that's it. I went back to Miles with some Tobold girls and hung up the awesome inflatable moose head Dad sent me. I also looked at the [Milton Academy] course catalogue (these events are out of order but I don't want to correct them. It was moose head->Miles->laundry->courses. I still need to get my laundry out.), and thought about taking a course in the Nature of Reality. That'd be cool.

Broomball was a long, hard fight for almost 100 minutes. We ended up losing, 5-4, but I had some nice D plays and a few good offensive plays. My highlight would be sliding in front of Lex to prevent his shot. After the game I called home and then took a shower before arriving late to a dinner of lamb roast, potatoes, broccoli and cornbread. I think I took enough for two, maybe even three, people. My plate was loaded, and I think I stopped tasting and just knew that I was eating. While I did know flavor the potatoes were full of spices, and the lamb was good. The party planners had a meeting after dinner, and while Hallie and Kyra seemed like they wanted to call it off (and Sam and I...), Susie made us stick it out, and boy was it worth it. Park bench was quality, and my slideshow group, hindered a bit by Taylor, gave a good show. Improv night was a success.

There was a sick afterparty in Miles; all of Tobold was there. I played the music, and I think everyone liked it. Once they left we discussed what songs we might want to play next for Miles Down the Road. Tomorrow I have more laundry and work... fun fun fun.

I was sitting in this doctor's office today, looking at the various cartoon characters adorning the walls. Curious George, the cast of "Cars", Marlin and Dory, etc. One poster void of any animated movie stars caught my attention due to something hidden in the background. Behind all the fish swimming about in business suits and sea taxis (complete with sea-advertisements: Drink Plankton Lite!) stood a lone billboard with three beloved letters in faded pink. TMS. What did it mean, peeking out from behind the Animalia Chordata Actinopterygii (I'm doing Bio homework as I write this, apologies for the jargon)? I don't know what this literal sign meant, but it was at least worth a mention.

Day 21

I had a lot of food to unload in the pantry today. It was fun, making everything seem nice and in order. I've only had two shipments to unload; I wish there were more. Breakfast was DONUTS and they had GLAZED and POWDERED SUGAR and they were REALLY GOOD. I had two, and some milk. There were no oranges this morning. It was tasty but not that healthy. In History I was not really paying attention to the powerpoint showing us all the American propaganda posters that were put up around WWI. In Precalc (another thing that bothers me about Open Office and also Word: sometimes if you add a word to its dictionary it won't recognize the possessive of that word, or that word capitalized) I think we did more fun things with factorials. I'm still waiting for a real, constant challenge. Proof by Induction was that for the wrong reason.

In Spanish I stumbled through my presentation on this basketball game; I guess that's what happens when you don't rehearse, haha. In E. Sci. Pat gave a cool lecture on tectonic plates. It was fairly interesting. This is just what happened in class, but I don't really recall the individual events... sat with David and Hallie during math and did the Matrix on our computers [hit Log( and Ln( over and over, then clear]. In Spanish Anika David and I talked about our unforgettable days; Anika wrote about Cordoba (lejana... y sola...). Such a sick time. For lunch... (I also had two more donuts during the second-period break) what was lunch? Ah, yes: tacos. We had some sort of... beef, I suppose (In Spanish we also read another AP reading comprehension activity... good times in Sophomore year!). It was red and in what I call pellets, but that's not what you call, it, reader.

O reader. I wish I could put in some illustrations for you. Maybe some photos, if I ever take them. I'll probably just get my science site (which I'll get to). Back to soft tacos: beef, re-fried beans, sour cream, cheese. And for some reason I had a chicken and rice soup with that. I went with Jake, Jimmy, and David to the Hemenway Tract during science hike for our sites. David found his fairly quickly along Back Brook, and the rest of us went up to the west edge of TMS property before heading back. I found my little amphitheater-esque spot. We had lots of fun walking along the ice, and this one time I stepped on one spot and the ice emitted the perfect ice-cracking noise you have ever heard. I stepped with my other foot, bringing them together, and it sounded again. I froze. This was going to be bad. David yelled to me to move, and I jumped to the bank, with the ice still whole. That was fun.

I'll be going out Sunday with Jake, Sam, and Jimmy to find other sites. During my free I read the English story. I liked it, or at least the music sections where Snipe played with the Twilights. Charlotte and I were having fun fighting over small things. In English that continued while we did sort of discuss the poem... I think. Jack ended the day reading from our journals, and it was spectacular as always. He read from mine where I talked about being drained by Friday and where I mentioned 'yer' on the internet. For dinner we had steak, potatoes, and green beans. The potatoes weren't that great (I'm not a fan of straight plain potatoes... sweet potatoes are good, as are fries, but cooked potatoes... not my thing), but the steak was succulent. After dinner there was a massive game of lap-tag. I started out restraining Charlotte, but then moved around. It was a great workout, when I got called. There was a bit too much waiting with the size of our group.

Shit, I have the TMP [Milton's Independent Newpaper!] article. I really can't write about anything... I'm sorry Quinn. I wish I had time for you, but it is a very full time up here [I never did write anything for her]. Lap tag featured Zoe R-A, Kyra, Maddy, Kemi, Becky, and Maddy as surprisingly fiesty players. Jay and Charlotte had a head-on collision early on. Once it reached 7:45 we all headed to our respective houses (I'll start wrapping up now... tired) to have our discussion. I went to Underwood with Hallie, Jay, Nell, Rebecca, and Gabby, where we mostly ate lava cake and whipped cream, wore wigs and talked about chill things... the last two years at high school, planning for weekends back home, weekends here, being comfortable here... When we finished it was 9:20, so we all went back to our dorms. I was a little late for dorm meeting, but it was fine. It was another good meeting. Kit brought up weights afterward for people to show off... or work out. Patrick is into that, which I didn't know. Alright, that's it for now. Tomorrow is laundry and some work. And handing out food at the carnival with Phoebe and Yomalis.

Hello everyone. I apologize in advance for the length of this one. I go on several tangents, and it's in general very stream-of-consciousness.

Day 20

Whell. This day's breakfast was eggs on toast, grapefruit, orange, milk. While I was doing my chore Yomalis tracked dirt up the stairs and I pretended to be hurt. Don't know if anything's going to happen there... I also don't know how Alden's talk affected everyone... if anyone heeded his words, or just ignored them for the pussy. But anyway. My day, part 1: in Spanish we read the rest of the Noche boca arriba story. I realized boca arriba didn't mean mouth open. As it turns out, the real world of the hospital was the dream, and the protagonist was getting sacrificed by the aztecs. Jake has the tissues by his desk and blows his nose in a manner only seen in cartoons with big orange letters: HONK! While I was reading parts of the story aloud, I could not for the life of me pronounce the r's. It just wasn't happening. In E. Sci we had the tree quiz... I did okay. 15/20 isn't great, but the ones I got wrong I had good reasoning. I thought a maple was an ash because of the seemingly large terminal branches; I couldn't identify a young hop-horn beam; the mustache scars on a beech made me think twice, fatally; I took the flakes of a yellow birch to mean it was a grey birch... I think that was it. I did snipe an apple tree, and once he said when it flowered I knew a tree was a Serviceberry. Yep, Open Office [the free Word clone I was using] doesn't like that. It does have a lot of problems with some of my words that are actual words.

After the tree quiz we had some free time and I defined emphatic: to be uttered with emphasis. In History I wrote a decent in-class essay. I included documents and explained why they were significant. I think it was better than my first essay; we'll see. I omitted the word hopefully from in between “and” and “explained up there because it was wrong. I hope Kit will agree with me when I say I explained why they were significant. This might be my longest entry yet due to all these non-sequiturs. WHAT? This program doesn't know sequitur? Lame. In English class we discussed the darkly humorous Electric Arrows... full of children reenacting the death of a possible molester and new neighbors discovering ancient native American (haha, it only sees capital A American as a word) carvings that were really the protagonists' Dad chiseling a self-portrait. We also analyzed an Emily Dickinson poem. Way too complex: in it a poet searches for a perfect word that is then shown to her by an angel. There, 16 words, clear as day. I wrote that, and Emily wrote some godawful jarglemess that, in it's complexity, hinders its message. You know, I think I might write a book someday that has one-sentence descriptions of needlessly complicated poems. Or maybe a Twitter account that posts a link to a poem and then its explanation. That's the one thing I hate about poetry- sometimes it can just get too damn confusing for its own good. Other than that I like word play and imagery. So we're alright, sort of like... thinking of a good example... I don't know. We, poetry and I, are, for the most part, alright. I wouldn't become a poet; I'd much rather just write what I want to say.

Lunch was amazing: calzones, meatloaf, mac and cheese, ham: Marylin's Greatest Hits, as Mark and I joked in the line. I had lunch with the party-planning committee, wherein we decided which improv games we'd play. Alright, fuck you Open Office, improv is a word. I thought about editing out curses... but it gives this whole thing personality. I don't even know what I'll do with this (another tangent! Yay!) afterwards... I might print it (and I will keep writing afterwards. I like that word. [Which word? I don't remember. Print?] It sounds nice, friendly), it'll definitely be read by all my relatives. At least the start. Relatives, if you're reading this far, my calculations put the ending length at around 75 pages. It'll be the longest document I've ever written. That is, if I keep up the length. I can see myself writing shorter entries; brief summaries... or longer narratives if interesting things happen, which I think they will. Anyway, relatives: hi. Ignore the language, everyone uses it. Everyone has, everyone will, so just chill. This is stream-of-thought, because I'm just writing what I'm thinking with very minor edits. We're talking deleting one word or phrase as it's being written due to its sound. This is going nowhere. Back to the day.) and give it to friends (that was an ordeal finding my sentence), but they won't read the whole thing... maybe in June I could get the best days. That's a thought.

Well, we chose our games and ate good food. My day, part 2: Becky, Kyra and I went Orienteering. It was fantastic, thrilling, exciting, tiring, and sweet. We had one of the hardest courses, one Kathy says not many finish due to its length. We didn't give up, though; we trekked on down to Back Brook, slid along the ice (and fell in once... twice), ran up a hill, met two groups (David, Phoebe, Jay, all of whom are cool, and Hallie, Steph, and Rafi, all of whom are cool), climbed into a shack, walked up a long, gentle slope, crawled up a shorter, steeper hill, admired a spectacular view of so many mountains, shed layers until I was wearing just my long-sleeve T and snowpants with my (FUCKING SNOWPANTS IS A WORD! I'm too lazy to find out how to change the spell check, but IT'S A WORD) jacket hooked through my bag. I felt like a druid at the beginning, jumping from bank to bank, grabbing trees as I made my way down the hill... I could do that a few times, have a fun workout... Yea, maybe sometime to just chill. Sure. I'll do that.

Back to Orienteering: I found a walking stick, and we made our way through some thick trees down a hill where we met Charlotte, Megan K, and Gabby who accompanied us on our way back. There were thorns on the way. I cut my hands. It might be infected. The other group had the easiest trip; we the hardest. There was a sweet race to the school at the end, but because I thought we were going around the building instead of into the library I lost. But I won because I was more tired. During my free I played on the internet, listened to Daydream Nation, read Who's On First aloud for Phoebe, Charlotte, and anyone else who was around.

In Precalc we did some new stuff, mostly factorials and things relating to them. Shouldn't be too hard. Why on earth does Open Office say the pre-apostrophe parts of contraction are not words?! That makes no sense! Dinner was pork chops, scalloped potatoes, corn, and cornbread. A repeat, as Shizue said, but I'm not complaining and neither is she. She's fun to be around (AND THE cycle of me overthinking things begins again). Phoebe and I created a handshake. I was supa-smooth and pretended to know all about handshakes, differentiating between Brooklyn style and Chicago style. That was fun. Phoebe's pretty cool. Jay had very good cake for his birthday (Kyra read a story she wrote about a friend with an odd walk for her humble this morning). I had two at the suggestion of Isaac, since we might not have cake for a while.

There was a discussion at the table of inconveniences on holidays, and I brought up my Holiday '03 Crohn's story. It's getting hard for me to describe Crohn's, since it really doesn't affect me. Maddy was wearing a TakeSteps shirt, but she got it from Gabby whose friend has it, so she's not part of the club, as I thought. Hallie asked if during a flare-up I “tense up or relax”. Interesting. We did the math work in the English room, but she was preoccupied with French and there was not much interaction. I did play some Beatles songs that were delightful.

I did some Spanish work, printing and writing down sports articles, and then started heading back to Miles where Dan brought Hoodsies THAT DON'T HAVE WOODEN SPOONS ANYMORE. I did my E. Sci. reading and ¾ of my History reading. I have a free before English, so I'll read that story then. I get to choose my science site tomorrow, and I think I'll choose the amphitheater spot I ran over today. That was fun. I love hiking. I skyped with Arya for a bit... she's stressed over a lot of things and we couldn't really have a good conversation. Kathie and I had an awkward facebook chat session. Wrapping up: while stumbling I found the Vatican's list of top 10 rock/pop albums: Revolver at number 1, also included: Santana, Thriller, Dark Side of the Moon, (What's the Story) Morning Glory, and 5 more I don't remember. Tomorrow should be fun... I look forward to it. Shit, this entry was 1694 words without this little addendum, and almost two pages. Shit. Anyway, to end on the same note. Tomorrow should be fun... I look forward to it.

what is love, baby don't hurt me

Today I had a distressing conversation with a friend who spent last year at a boarding school in Italy. There, she fell in love with a boy from argentina, a boy who still goes to the school in italy. My poor friend, she and this boy were so in love. Not "love ya!" love, but to the best of my never having been in love abilities, i believe it to be comprehension on so many levels love, constantly wanting to connect physically love, intense, penetrating fever inducing love. They ended their relationship because they live so far away from each other, but my understanding is that you can never really end a relationship like that. It's impossible. I talked with her about her philosophies on love after having experienced it, and she told me somewhat soberly that she believes that one can love many people in their life time, but there are only a few (not to be cliched) soul mates out there, and if you are lucky, and they cross your path, well, bingo. This girl is incredibly intelligent, she is rational, she's not the type of person to go say she's been in love just for the sake of saying it. Anyways, each time she talks with her former boyfriend, they both erupt into tears, not over lost love, but because distance separates them, and leaves them each feeling the intensity alone.

Anyways, this is a summary of what she said, to the best of my comprehension. See, I've never been in love. Maybe you have, maybe you can explain it to me, but I don't even think that I have the capacity to even scrape the surface of the feeling she is talking about. I'm scared, what if it doesn't exist for me. What if I can't love, or never find it.

I'm scared, but catching up on the blog made me less so.

I love you all

college...kinda...not really

well honestly i have been restricting myself from posting on this blog because i sadly forgot how to long on. Yes that is stupid excuse because the answer was only a few clicks away but i found comfort in just reading the words of you guys. IT WAS EASY.

Well there are two things that i want to share with you guys

1) my mountain school sweatshirt has become my good luck token for standardized/big tests. I dont know how this came to be but all i know is that whenever i am in that testing center i have to either be wearing or sitting on my sweatshirt. it is like my super duper fear of testing sheild. I think i have said this numerous times at home but i think at the mountian school i was much smarter. Before the mountian school i never saw myself as particularly intelligent. I knew i wasnt dunce but i always was in that middle ground. Wearing my sweatshirt makes me believe that all of the smarts of all 44 of you somehow rubbed off on it.

2) college is freaking the bejeebers out of me. I am applying early but it seems like this application never ends. Well that is not the point. Going to the mountian school has taught me what type of people i want to go to college with. I want to be around people who are spontaneous, intelligent, and open to sharing their knowlege without being pretencious about it. If i dont get that vibe from a college i will not go there becuase there is only one spring 10 but i will always try to increase my chances of finding someone who would fit in perfectly with our semester.

I love you all and i hope to talk to some of you soon

Love Danny

(p.s. excuse any spelling mistakes i am lazy :) )

A slow day 19. But trust me, day 20 is chock-full of craziness.

Day 19

Why were we so tired this morning? Breakfast was nothing big, just blueberry pancakes with syrup. They were good, but I only had two. School meeting was fine, nothing extraordinary. Jack pondered replacing the Boraxo cans with 12-pound dispensers. That raised a ruckus. In wood crew I spent half the time searching for trees to mark with Marcus, Timo's brother. It was me, David, Becky, Phoebe, and Rebecca in one group, and we passed around two paint guns that looked like modified spray cans/windex bottles. After we marked some trees, identified Black Cherry trees, and got Becky's arm and my sweater pocket painted, we headed back to Jack and I cut down three trees. That was fun.

Lunch was amazing-- calzones. I had two. And some salad with ranch (I think) dressing and croutons. And 3 oatmeal raisin cookies with milk. During my free I typed up some History notes from the night before and stumbled and dugg. In History I couldn't really focus. In English we walked to a mending wall, like the poem we read, and Lex was silly reading 'good fences make good neighbors'. I met with Susie and we discussed bandwidth for a while, along with general activities. In my free I tried talking to Grace and Arya, but nothing really happened with either of those conversations. I read the English story and became depressed.

I learned I could use skype [video chat] and got a phone card. I stumbled a bit more. Dinner was a rich meatloaf and peas. I went back to the dorm and cleaned up my room, played Never Enough (oh yea, during my free I also rocked out to Dream Theater. I got through almost all of Octavarium.) on guitar and ukelele.

I called Dad; he's doing fine. He and Susie liked my plier ramen story. I started my History outline... based on what the last essay was and what I have I have a feeling he'll like it... we'll see if it's long enough (<_<).People played with the speech functions on Macs. Gergh. I may revise History, print that out, then study trees... why, though? I already did a lot of studying, though some of it might be too theoretical. Bereedfemdwsakdsasawqiognjmdsfdjwesla... fiergonjkjerlvncdksmcl,x,w-qproiewrweq. I don't want to do work right now... Arya would be a nice outlet right now.llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Someone pointed out to me today that i've been a lot more touchy-feely than i used to be. that's true... i used to be the awkward one who stood stiffly in the arms of anyone trying to give me a hug, and now i'm the one initiating hugs in the hallway between classes.

i just wish it was you guys that i was hugging... so be prepared to be pounced on at new year's. :)

miss you all.

p.s. i have an english assignment in which i have to describe a photograph, and i'm using our semester picture.

oooooooooooooh

SUCH MAJOR JEALOUSY RIGHT NOW...

http://public.fotki.com/mtschool/fall-2010/group-photo/fall2010group-35-jpg.html

and is it just me or do they really look like a very small group? it's weirding me out!

i just talked to my friend whom i had not really talked much to in the last couple months

we've always been really great friends. he's one of my best friends

but circumstances like the fact that we both are extremely busy and go to different schools made it hard to keep in touch

but today i talked to him for a little bit and he made me appreciate how good my senior year is going

i thought it was so shitty. there's a never- ending amount of work and stress. always so many things i need to do.

but then he told me about how he has all that to worry about. and everyone at his school has started cutting and random people he isnt even good friends with will tell him about it. and he has a friend who's mom is supposed to die tonight. the doctors said she wouldn't make it through the night. and he's having major problems with his relationship with his mom

and i felt so bad for him

and did my best to be supportive and there for him and say that he'd get through it

but it also made me really appreciate what i have right now

my class at school is SO SUPPORTIVE through this entire process. I feel like my friends are all really there for me if i need them and all really rooting for me in a way. it's not so much competitive as it is we're all going through this and we'll all get through this together

although my relationship with my parents has been a little rocky recently, right now its pretty good.

and on top of that i have all of you guys to be there for me if i need you

i guess i just needed to get these feelings out there somewhere.. to tell somebody.

so i'm telling all of you

thank-you

we'll all get through this.

A Wednesday update, why not? Minor cuts during boring parts. A few good tangents, a few good antics. If anything else, these entries provide a startling glimpse into the male psyche.

Or not.

Day 18

There wasn't much to do in the pantry. Breakfast was toast and eggs, an orange and some milk. During my free I tried to go on the internet, but we were FAPped. [I then drew in the diagrams in my E. Sci. chapter. In English David Charlotte and I were at a table. It was fun. Jack liked my essay- B+. I can improve, and already have a pseudo-topic for next week. He did say, as I thought, that I was too rhetorical in spots.] I'll try to go quicker now- bedtime and whatnot. Farm seminar was a fairly interesting panel from three experts in the Forestry business. I didn't have a comfortable position for it though. [In E. Sci. I did a little bit of studying in terms of writing slightly Engrish descriptions of trees.] I mostly was on the internet; the FAP might have worn off by then. Lunch was grilled cheese and tomato soup: Amazing. It was very, very good (even though Jack doesn't like that word).

Jack, Comfort and I discussed Spanish/Mexican film. Mostly Broken Embraces, though: the new Almodovar film that I want to see for the quality of the story and images and Penelope Cruz's... acting. Her boobs, I mean. I want to see them. In Bruceworks we mostly cleaned... nothing great. I did screw a board onto a door so it couldn't open and install a clutch spring, but other than that we cleaned a potting shed and a wood shed. Nothing great. After lunch Hallie and I got help in learning Proofs by Induction, and it made sense.

In Spanish the test was unnerving- I wrote too many imperfects it felt like. Wait, I forgot math: we had a practice little quiz thing. It was not hard. Hallie and Rebecca were doing physics corrections for most of class. I feel like I got off easy with Class IV Physics. Dinner was a tasty chicken recipe, rice, zucchini, and bread. I sat with Hallie, Charlotte, Pat, Anika, Rachel, and Taylor. Before dinner, Anika, Rachel and I were talking about Spain and how we're going to party sometime soon.

Hallie and I did the math practice quiz with Rebecca in the English room. It was not a group effort- I did problems and then would check them with Hallie and Rebecca afterward. [That sounds more brutal than it actually was--I'm sure Hallie and Rebecca were doing problems together while I did them in a solo group.] Hallie lent me her Mac once I finished so I could type my Spanish essay about the most unforgettable day in my life. I, once again, chose the bus stop story. SHIT YEAH I JUST CHECKED THE WORD COUNT AND WE'RE AT 5 DIGITS NOW! THE BOLDED UNDERLINED ITALICIZED AND IS THE 10,000TH WORD. Anyway.

After that I got mad at Charlotte (and later Hallie) because she (and later she) had never heard of Who's On First (and later because she had never heard of Who's On First). I tried finding the script online, but it was down. Oh well. I went back to Miles, made some tea, and read my English in my bed. Check-in was fun. There were some scattered laughs throughout the evening. We have to clean our rooms tomorrow, says Comfort. Once she left I prepared the ultimate cup-o-ramen and, because I had no fork, I stirred it with a pencil and started eating it with my pliers. I sure hope they're okay. They were a little tough to get back in the closed position... but the Ramen was good overall. I read the History reading but did not take notes- that's for tomorrow. We're going to bed early today- before 11.

The Annual Fund Envelope

I just received the fundraising letter in the mail... It made me remember that day in the spring when it was snowing and raining at the same time and I got to skip wood crew to stick labels on envelopes for a bunch of these letters. We have joined a loooong list of names on labels. I'm really jealous of whichever Fall '10er got to miss wood crew to sit in the English room with Trudy, eating old candy and licking envelopes.

So starts the posting with greater regularity. I've edited some inane parts out with ellipses, the least inane of which I'll post as comments. Apologies to Lex; I have no idea what you were doing during E. Sci. but apparently February me didn't like it one bit.

Day 17

Today I shifted around jars in the pantry to make them all look nice, then ate a muffin, some home fries, and an orange with some milk for breakfast. Kemi was startled by a daddy longlegs in History before the quiz, which wasn't too bad. There were certain questions, in the words of David, “that were like 'really, Kit?' and then others that were like 'really, Kit?'”.

During my free I sang Bad Romance in my head and read one page of History homework. Precalc was normal, but in the last few minutes Kathy introduced a new concept that in her explanation was graspable, but afterwards looking at the problems with Hallie, Gabby and others was completely foreign. I did the challenge problems, which weren't too hard at all. Lunch was Spanish rice, egg drop soup (that I did not have), turkey stew (that I did have), stuffing and ginger cookies. I spent a lot of intermittent time with Hallie today.

In terms of Green Cup Challenge, overall we went down 5.4%, but in Miles we went up 20%. Taylor wasn't happy with that.

I forgot my yellow book of readings for Spanish so I looked on with Patrick . . . In E. Sci. we made study guides for the tree quiz, which I am feeling confident about. For dinner we had mac&cheese, ham, and broccoli. Sat with Hallie again. After dinner she and Charlotte came back to Miles . . . She was very impressed with my playing, but moreso I think with Miles' toilets.

She left and David and I talked for a while while looking at his pictures and videos. They were very good, with only a few bad shots. We talked about how Lex was incredibly stupid during E. Sci. (he was) and watched a few episodes of Jake and Amir on his computer before I headed to my room to read History . . .

I got to the final stretch of the final stage in Cat Planet with only talking to 5 cats on the way before quitting. I also wonder if Dan saw the bra...

elbows

so at tms whenever people played the elbow licking game i never really participated

but a couple days ago i had a strange urge to try it out again

and i got my friend to join and we played the elbow licking game!

and it was so much fun!!!

A short Sunday before two long days with some great moments in them. By request, I'll post these Monday, Wednesday, and Friday starting this week. Anything so Rosii can hear about Day 69 quicker.

Day 16

That week went really fast. Rachel says the first week was getting to know everyone, the second week was friendships, and the coming week will be relationships. In the morning I read the Spanish reading and then went to cook brunch. I threw some ingredients in the Puff Pancake, sauteed onions and hot dogs with David and layered cheese, mushrooms, onions, and peppers on eggs with David and Rafi. I had the following for brunch: a heart cookie [Keep Your Clothes On!]. Fruit salad. Puff Pancake. Coffee cake. Scrambled Eggs Galore. Home Fries. An orange. A glass of milk. And the hot dogs and onions. Aaaaah. It was so good, but I couldn't finish the onions and dogs. David and I discussed ballparks.

Afterward there was a brutal dish crew... not a fun time. I then did some more work and brought my stuff up from the laundry room (the colors) and wasted time on StumbleUpon. What else? Not much... Taylor and I played The Weight by the Band... Sam, Taylor and I sang Beatles songs... right now I'm not studying. Grah, I really need to study. Kit was impressed with Taylor and my cover of Dear Prudence. Isaac, Sam and I are remixing I'm On a Boat. Must study!

Chan Chan

This came up in my TMS playlist and I finally had to know what it meant, so I googled the lyrics. It's a rough translation... "jibe" apparently isn't a word in spanish. But I guess it's a type of love song? One verse is about how the guy's love makes him drool over the girl... another about kids playing in the ocean, and the last is about sitting on a tree trunk which makes him unable to get to the places he wants to get (Marcan and Mayar). No idea.

De Alto Cedro voy para Marcan (From Alto Cedro, I go to Marcan)
Llego a Cueto, voy para Mayar (I get to Cueto, I go to Mayar)

El cario que te tengo (The love that I have)

No te lo puedo negar (I can't deny it from you)
Se me sale la babita (The drool leaves me [You could just say "I drool"])
Yo no lo puedo evitar (I can't avoid it)

Cuando Juanica y Chan Chan (When Juanica y Chan Chan)
En el mar cernian arena (Sifted sand in the ocean)
Como sacudi el jibe (Like he shakes the "jibe")
A Chan Chan le daba pena (It gave Chan Chan pain)

Limpia el camino de paja (I clean the path of straw)
Que yo me quiero sentar (That I want to sit on)
En aquel tronco que veo (On that trunk I see)
Y asi no puedo llegar (And so I can't arrive)

De alto Cedro voy para Marcan (From Alto Cedro I go to Marcan)
Llego a Cueto voy para Mayar (I get to Cueto, I go to Mayar)

This, my first blog post ever, is dedicated to the person who recently showed me how to access the blog I was too busy, lazy, or afraid to find on my own. Also to the person who sent me a gift that made me cry. And of course to all of you.

Today, a sophomore I like expressed genuine interest in going to the Mountain School. I had been waiting for this moment since the new pamphlet arrived in the mail, and probably for the past few months. I told her some sappy, rambling things, and she understood what I was trying to say. But I wish I had simply told her that Mountain school is for four months in Vershire, Vermont, and then a feeling that lasts afterwards (forever I hope) I don’t always recognize it, but it helps my daily confidence, it encourages me to reach out, to be lighthearted, and reminds me to appreciate and reflect. I forget sometimes, but it is with me every morning that I wake up, and it is carrying me through the shit parts of senior year, and the great parts too.

It took a little while to settle in, but now that I have the Mountain School feeling, I just want to share it, and that will sometimes mean directing others to Vershire. I am ready, thrilled, to be someone’s guide.

and yes obviously I wish I were still reading wordsworth and frost in english class.

Rise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32Js2Ef5Ojg

esci love

today in science class my bio teacher started to talk about how mountains and valleys are formed and how plate tectonics move around. I was like "and the force moving the plates is coming from the Asthenosphere and it is hot decaying matter creating convection currents...right?"

i was so proud of Pat and myself and all of you.
someone shouted out "mountain school.. pshh" and i was like YEAH IM SMART MOTHA FUCKAS hahahah good times

Cat Planet

Some of you may have heard me talk about a thing called CatPlanet. This is a video of that.

(If you want, just watch just the first two minutes of both videos; those have the best parts and the rest isn't much different.)

aaaand a download link: http://www.ludumdare.com/compo/ludum-dare-16/?uid=1081

blog

I think the point of this blog is to communicate with fellow TMSers about how we are feeling and adjusting to our home school. Sometimes, yes, that will be depressing, and sometimes it will be fun and uplifting. I know that I personally wouldn't want anyone to not share their struggles for fear of getting us down. We used to share that stuff all the time at mountain school.

I am doing much better now, but there was a period where my parents put me on anti-depressants because I kept breaking down about leaving TMS. It didn't last long (thank goodness) but it really helped looking on the blog and seeing that other people had similar difficulties. For me, this is the only outlet for expressing grief. However, Mountain School was FUN!!! I miss that fun, and I especially miss sharing fun with you. Sooooo.... fun things about my life now:

1) I have started playing raquetball. I am terrible and scream bloody murder whenever the ball comes close to me. However, my screams frighten my opponents so I end up winning a lot of matches. I therefore am ranked rather well, and made (HAHAHAHAHA) varsity. My coaches rolled their eyes when they saw.

2) I started this telepathy thing with my friends where we would think what we wanted to say (+eye contact, body language ect). At first it was just funny, but now.... it works. We learn to look for different cues, it's like another language!!

3) I convinced my sister to cut all her hair off (I still marvel over how much power I have over her)

Happy Times

so you guys im not going to lie but i would say to overall that this blog is quite on the depressing side. I know that all of you miss TMS and i really do too but could we try to keep the blog to more happier stuff like ian's posts type stuff? To be honest i've stopped checking the blog much of at all because of the overall sentiment. So please think of happy thoughts and always look on the bright side of life/

Tones of Home

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NISeJCeKUgs

This song reminds me of you guys.

missing you all

I miss being around people all the time

especially people i love so much

i get so lonely sometimes...

especially when I'm at home at night

I could really go for some cuddling right now

This is a good one. Day 15, also known as February 13th, also known as our Valentine's Day Dance. I briefly mention this, but Scibetta and I, before the dance went to the library and made valentines. I think he had already done that, so it was just me with some 8.5 x 11s, writing the same generic message: "Dear [Girl], Happy Valentine's Day! Love, Ian." I think I might've drawn a heart somewhere. And I got so many complements. Also a shout-out to my wonderful date, Megan B--we'll always have Vershire.

Day 15 (written day 16)

Saturday was alright... I swept the pantry, had something for breakfast. Sam says it was oatmeal (good with cinnamon) and zucchini muffins. I probably had an orange. I didn't have any word, so I wrote 400 words of speculation for English [That's what this essay was--1.5 pages of questions. I don't think I used a single regular sentence]. I think Jack will like it. Or maybe not. I also wasted time on digg. And listened to Dropkick Murphys and Wolfmother. Lunch was more leftovers, random soups, pesto and other pastas. There was a good Spanish rice that I couldn't have because it was vegetarians only for some reason.

Afterwards I was still feeling a little down (I might've made some tea... I've had English and Irish Breakfast and Kashmir Khai so far, and they all taste the same: watery and not good. [But Holy Shit, Irish Breakfast at 9pm on a Sunday... magical]) and I went to the laundry room to do some work (journal related) and and also maybe do laundry. I only had $3 in quarters (oh, also I went to the offices to get a phone card but no one was there. Darn.) so I hung up some colors to dry. Did my sheets. Brought down Colour of Magic to read, but I didn't read it at all... I probably did some work afterward. There was also that dance.

At around 5 Sam and I wrote some Valentines. Shit, I never did anything for Hallie. Shit. I'll leave that Bacon Box note tomorrow. Anyway, Sam and I wrote Valentines for almost every girl. Shizue showed me the 'shoveling the wood chips' chore. The dinner was very dark and was fajitas. Yomalis was very dressed up, and wrote me a Valentine telling me to talk to her more. The fajitas were alright. The dance was pretty bad. Lex was getting some... it looked like he was doing non-consensual things. There's going to be drama later involving Isaac and various females. They played Pump It, which I hadn't heard in a while. That was pretty cool.

After, Sam, Isaac, Pat, Jake and I went to Conard for some type of afterparty. Maddy wanted to go to Garden Hill, but it was too cold. Oh yea, and Pat [Barnes] was there for some reason. Back at Miles Taylor and I played Dear Prudence, Goin to California, and Octopus' Garden. Jimmy chimed in with hilarity in the last one. We were really tired and tried to discuss things, the whole dorm, but then we just went to bed. Then in the middle of the night I woke up with my comforter off and my sheet around my neck. Odd.

a little rough on the edges.

it's come back, that creeping sensation of not being good enough.

last weekend was my school homecoming. the dance was painful. a room full of scantly clad american-apparel wearing girls juking with equally appalling partners against the wall. yum.
i wanted to run and scream. i just wanted to be back at mountain school where onsies were perfectly acceptable attire at an evening dance...instead, i found myself in the midst of drunken teens rubbing up against me on every side. i felt incredibly alone despite the close confines. my previously called best friend disappeared and i didn't look for her (we haven't been getting along that well recently) and my other new friend (who i had high hopes for) started looking at me differently, moving away from me. i realized that high school hierarchy was taking over. i just forgot that with school came labels. i'm not just me, here. i'm a gpa, a type a, a head of blah blah blah. i'm the overachiever and thats all. no one sees me as a person at school. its been years since i shed the teacher's pet persona and yet people still make stupid jokes when i swear or make reference to "a crazy night." "you do that shit?" they say, and i say yes not with pride or shame but just to state a fact. these people don't know me. i knew you all for four months and yet i'm closer to you then most everyone at "home." i hate being angry at this place, being irritable and frustrated. i don't like being unhappy. i was walking with my best friend today (my actual best friend) and i had to apologize for my recent attitude; i was ashamed. i just want to scream and have someone hear me. i'm invisible at school. im not a "weird" kid or a dork by any means but i'm not of the highest status either. i'm inbetween and unseen. i try telling myself that there are forty four people out there that know me as who i am but it's hard to have faith when you haven't spoken to anyone from our home in weeks. i just feel empty...emotionless. i want to remain invested in my life here but sometimes its just too difficult and it makes me hate myself.

i miss you all.
i love you all.



i'm sorry this isn't articulate. its been a really really long day. a really really long four months (yes it's been that long).

a poet and you don't even know it

today i was sitting eating lunch with my friends. One of my friends (who was not sitting with us at the time) spent last semester at Maine Coast Semester, and has come home a little bit, well, changed. She is incredibly sensitive and philosophical about EVERYTHING, to the point of being pretentious. Anyways, my friends were making fun of her, telling me a story about her sudden recitation of a poem to them. They were talking about how bizarre and stupid it was, who did she think she was. I agree that she's a little loopy, but sometimes i wish that i could recite Mary Oliver to them and have them understand the perfection.

Love you always.

my dad sent me an email today that said

"just read an old e-mail from you when you were at the Mountain School, you sure did love it, brought tears to my eyes."

love you all.

I currently have a love-hate relationship with my feelings towards TMS. Being around all you guys and having "real" people to have "real" conversations with helped me grow so much as a person and really boosted my own self-confidence and the way I view myself as a person. But it's because of TMS that I feel as though I don't have as much in common with my best friend (at school) anymore... and she doesn't really seem to realize it. No one at school realizes how much I've changed: how I am a semi-decent public speaker (where before I couldn't even stand up in front of the class without my knees shaking) and am not afraid to speak up and voice my opinion about different issues. I really don't care about being forced out of my comfort zone as long as it's a complete and utter cut-off from where I feel comfortable. That's why I'm so glad that I didn't come to TMS with a good friend from school- I would have clung to him/her instead of reaching out of my little shell and trying to get to know people.

But now I feel as if this new mindset is holding me back from being able to communicate with said best-friend-at-high-school. I've been trying to get more involved with various things and she can't open her mind to change in the same way that I've learned to. I still hate change, regardless, but I'm more willing to try something new (ie my sister apparently invited over a couple of girls in my grade who are going to dress me up for a party next weekend... and I DON'T go to parties... ever) than she is, and if I have her to cling to in an uncomfortable situation I know that I'll never be able to have fun and let loose a little- letting loose is really hard for me because I feel as if I have to stay constant with the image of myself that the rest of the world knows, and having her there will just make me feel even more awkward.

I don't mean to bitch and moan about a person that you guys don't know... I'm just trying to explain why sometimes I wish TMS was either a constant in my life or had never existed. I'm sick of trying to find a balance between the two while I'm at home, and it's driving me nuts. I miss you guys so much. All 44 of you helped change my outlook on life and who I am more than you ever will know, and for that I thank you dearly.

This happened today. And it was awesome.

Farm Day Fall '10

We planted everything they harvested...just saying

http://public.fotki.com/mtschool/fall-2010/farm-day/

blog virgin

so, for the past few months, i have casually looked at the blog from time to time, but have felt too overwhelmed by the number of unread posts, or the amount of negative, harsh feelings being written about that i sympathize with but don't want to admit to understanding.

tonight, rachel and i talked for the first time in about a week. I missed her, i really did, in the seven or so days that we went un-connected. anyways, she urged me to read the blog. I think the conversation went something like this

R: did you check the blog yet today?

me: (hesitantly) i don't really read it?

R: WHATTHEFUCKIT'STHEBESTTHINGEVERYOUHAVETOREADITAHHHHH!!

anyways, i'm happy that i logged on. it comforted me to see the progression of the posts; the initial ones from three months ago speaking of the pain of separation, the intense anxiety and moroseness of the real world, to the slow acceptance that we will, quite simply, never NOT be a unit. it makes me feel closer to peace.

so now, i just want to share somethings about myself that i told some, but not all of you; now that i am hidden behind my beautiful, bedazzled mask of anonymity.

1) i suffer from depression. tenth grade was horrible, i had week long panic attacks, i was attached to my parents, i couldn't function. I wasn't suicidal, exactly.

i'm still not cured. It's my deepest secret just because it scares me that i cannot completely talk about it in the past tense. It is not over, but gradually getting better as the days go on. i'm climbing out of the deep hole, which, for any of you who are wondering, is not infinite.

2) i didn't love the mountain school at first. LISTEN: this does not mean that i was unhappy, or that i disliked it. I loved certain parts of it, small things like going back to the dorm in that lovely time between lunch and activity period. i was completely content, it felt like a home, but still i was not infatuated, obsessed.

Spring changed all of this. beginning with the first night back when i was one of the last people to arrive. walking into the library and seeing people springing up out of the pile of mattresses and bodies in order to hug us, to hug me. the hugs were strong, people put their faces into my hair, without words, people were explicitly signaling their love, and i reciprocated. the warm weather, the sun, knockout, the fact that i could now wear my weird dresses and be the flower that i wanted was beautiful. i was really home, and i was in love, in love with all of you.

3) alden brought to my attention at mark's house, as we were walking towards the grill, that he was impressed that i was in so many (maybe an exaggeration) final reflections. I'm sorry, my intention is not to gloat. what i'm trying to say that I never realized, until you guys showed me, that i am special. i owe you so much, for informing me that i am, despite my previous notions, worth writing about. (i really hope that this doesn't sound braggy).

4) i'm having a guilt problem. I really love my home friends, and sometimes, i notice that there are somethings friends that i've had for 12 years can offer me that you guys, my true loves, cannot. sometimes i feel guilty when i find myself having fun at home, not missing tms for a few minutes. guilty in those periods when i am not keeping in contact so well. i don't know why, but i have this misguided idea that if im enjoying myself at home, im negating or erasing the brilliance that was TMS spring '10. but when i think about "home" a lot, i, without fail, feel my heart being ripped apart and simultaneously being sewn back together. it hurts to miss it that much, but knowing that i have loved something so wholly gives me closure.

finally, i have one friend from tms, probably, my best friend, or one of them anyways, and since we have returned home, it has not been the same between us. It has been the slightest bit awkward, like that person is nervous, censoring them self. You; do not forget how fully i know you, and how i love you all the more for it. never forget the shower curtain ;-P

well, i think that's all. about three months worth of raw feelings. what can i say to you guys, to express my gratitude, my admiration for you wolf pack of 45?

in my fantasies, i can be free. i can wear loose, beautiful paisley dresses. I can run around and pick flowers, i'm obsessed with them, and make headbands. I'll never have to wear shoes, and i can spend eternity with grass beneath my feet. This freedom is my fantasy, my infatuation, but i would give it all up, any chance of it up, for any of you. Essentially, I don't need this liberty when i have you. you free me because i never have to doubt your love for me and mine for you.

Spring '10, you free me.

An Analysis of Post-TMS Life

http://yomalis.blogspot.com/2010/10/tough-week.html

This was kinda sugar-coated and a way of making myself be more positive....but i'm really trying, mostly by keeping myself super busy. I've already had two very important and loved people in my life just leave me ("don't talk to me for a while" and "we were never really friends") with no reason, and I feel more friendships dropping.

But i'm also making new friends! ..and shit, college feels so close that I don't care so much; i'm too excited and focused. It hurts for a little, but then it all goes away.

So this blog is one of the many risks I've taken at Riverdale since I've gotten back... thanks to you guys. The peeps like it! and it's not easy, but I like that i'm putting myself out there a little.

Feel free to keep reading.

-Oh So Anonymous ;)

Two short days here. Hope you like sentence fragments! Here's where some madness starts to seep in, most visible in certain bolded phrases in the first and penultimate paragraphs.

On that note, I hope you're all staying relatively sane during this fall. At our school they're doing a Great job of keeping us calm by showing us a film called "500 words or less": a documentary about 5 kids who are working their asses off for college and one who's just like 'fuck that' and dressing up for homecoming instead. They jump between segments using a shot of a camera zooming down a hallway while voices speak about different aspects of the application process and words like "early decision", "teacher recs", or "financial aid" flash across the screen. It's doing wonders. In the not-doing-wonders-at-all sense.

Stay happy

Day 13

Woke up on time this morning and went to my chore. Swept and didn't unload, because Pat (I think... Marlilyn is one chef, I'm not sure on the other one's name [YIKES]) had to label them. In Spanish we did some AP listening comprehension activities. Crazy nostalgia trip. I dropped my watch beneath the table. In E. Sci. I revised my chapter. I still have a little bit to do, and I'll ask Pat tomorrow.

There was a good discussion in History; I can't really remember right now. In English Megan K and I discussed the story, then Maddy, David, Taylor, Claire and I did. Lunch was oh shit breakfast. It was cream of wheat, which was tasty with cinnamon. Orange. Toast with gravy sausage. Lunch was leftovers... Spanish rice, other things. Have to go quickly, roommates sleeping. Had fun with hallie, then david and nell on our outdoor program hike up the mountain. Didnt get lost. Kathy had a too land [long?] seminar at the start. Takes it too seriously. Checked my sat scores during the free: 2010! I guess that's good.

Precalc was lol, I sat on a high stool. Hallie was acting odd, so was Maddy. Lex is questionable. He wasn't at outdoor times. Hallie gave her humbles about peeing herself during an sat ii and lying about being at the mountain school. I sat with dan and alana, two tms alums. Dinner was beef stroganoff, salad, and great herb bread. Did work with hallie and megan b, in miles. We did most of math. I did some history, e. sci. and spanish before checkin, then finished history after. Reading english tomorrow in a free. Lots of laughs in the common room. Sleep now.

Day 14

I also have to write this quickly. Breakfast: pancakes. Syrup. Good. History. Quiz on Monday, interesting ppt and discussion. Precalc: boring. Spanish: read a story about a Dad giving his 16 month year child pot. Played a fun conjuguemos game. E. Sci. had a cool lecture about stars. Lunch was a food. Quiche.

Science Hike for Work/Activities was long. We took lots of samples. In my free I did no work, just read digg and facebooked. English was cool; Jack read from my journal twice: once about imagining friends here, and another one about imaging worlds. Dinner was more food. Sam had a cake. Jacob pwns all the dish crew bitches and hos. [I have no idea what I meant by this... I guess you're good at dish crew?] I don't remember what dinner was- oh right the third thanksgiving.

We had that big group discussion about stepping into the circle if something applied to you. The talk afterwards in miles was depressing. The dorm meeting was fun. We talked about laundry and song choices. Then we played Wagon Wheel together. Then Rafi shaved Sam. Then I went to bed.

That last post made me want to share my horrible Friday night.

It was all fun and I was drunk and everything was fine. One of my friends was being mean to me because he's "mad" at me right now, but I didn't really care, he was always mean to me and I need him out of my life. But later in the night people started making things up about my best friend, yelling at her and me. They eventually said she couldn't be there, and kicked her out. She was drunk, I was drunk, no one was fit to drive, and I couldn't go home. I couldn't leave her, even though I was allowed to stay. At that point I completely broke down, crying because I was angry and had no idea where I would sleep. I couldn't believe how mean two of my formal best friends could be, and all I was thinking was I want to go home, to Mountain School. It was so ridiculous I just couldn't stop being angry, and being drunk didn't help how much I was crying. Eventually my friend's dad picked us up and let us sleep over, thank God. But it was a horrible night and I'm dreading going to school on Monday so much. I know my best friend will be harassed and I know I'll have to be denying the rumors all day. I've sort of hated school since Mountain School, because I know how good life and people can be. I hate seeing people I know are good do such mean and horrible things just because they are influenced by others or get carried away. I, and we, just have to remember we're good people, and can't be so affected by others meanness. I got too upset, too worked up. I just miss the lovely life we had, and its hard to understand how crazy mine is now.

Last night I went to this dumb party with my dumb friends after this dumb football game and my best friend who has been the most sane of all my friends for years started drinking at 6pm and wouldn't stop. The cops came to the party and everyone had to run away and she literally couldn't stand. I had to carry her because she couldn't walk on her own while she told me repeatedly that I she couldn't trust me and I wasn't her best friend. It was the scariest thing I've ever seen. She never used to drink. Her mom was an alcoholic so she used to come to parties and just chill. But when I was at Mountain School her other best friend got a girl friend and wasn't really there for her either and she started drinking every weekend. I wasn't there, I couldn't tell her that her attitude was unhealthy. And last night I wasn't there either. I got so caught up I didn't notice her drinking an entire handle by herself. I feel so guilty. I don't know what to do. I'm mad that she is acting like this but I don't know if I'm allowed to confront her because I feel like none of this would've happened if I had just been home. Before I left I would drink twice a weekend, every weekend. I still drink, but not as much as before. I can't tell if I would've felt different about last night if I hadn't gone to the Mountain School. It probably wouldn't have felt like as big of a deal since basically all of my friends have gotten alcohol poisoning at one point or another. As grateful that I am that I was able to step away from the culture at my school to look at it from a different perspective, I felt like a horrible friend yesterday. Last night I just needed all of you so much. I didn't call anyone because I was embarassed. I miss you all. You are so responsible and fun without trying and I just want this all to be easy again. I love you all

crazy dream

woooaaaahhhhhh I had this dream last night! it was inSANEEEE. yikes

ok so it was like the last day of mountain school and i was wearing my tms sweatshirt and there were parents everywhere... except it wasn't at the tms campus. it was like at a hotel or some old dining room. haha

anyways i was searching around for you guys and i just kept running into parents and then i put on my solo pack and went out in the woods to look for everyone and i found all of you, except there was snow on the ground. OH no now i remember, it wasn't the last day. No, it was like we all had to have the last day of school and then like 2 or 3 months later, come back for a day or something, and we were all just happy to see each other. So it was like this nice little reunion and instead of everyone being really sad and crying, everyone was really happy! And then we got on the big snow glacier (representing the one on the walk up to uptown) and were singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen- in like PERFECT harmony. YIKES

then we went on our walk back down to where ever to part our separate ways. And i kept thinking to myself that this was my second semester of mountain school. I thought that i had been here first semester, and this was like my second class...but i was more in love with this class than the first.


WEIRD STUFFFF. probably not blog worthy but i thought i wouldn't be able to tell this to any of my friends and have the same reaction that i would get from all of you. I miss you guys so much, and i miss our home.

We got the new brochure in the mail today. It's pretty much the same, but the cover is now that photo of people in the snow, the one that was on the library wall for a while. I'm on it, which is fun. You can see me right behind the text.

But that's not what this post is about. This post is about the other new photo--the one with Kemi and Sue. This post is about how, when I pointed it out to my dad, he asked if that was Alden in the photo. No, I corrected. That's Sue. Sue Kruse, who wrote on the postcard in the envelope? That's not a man? was his response.

I am not making this up. I do not think he was joking.

*shame, shudder*

K-K-Kathy?

Today, during Calculus, we were learning the derivative. Our teacher had written on the board that old equation: f(x+h)-f(x)/h. While she was explaining each bit (BTW, Jake, remember that time you taught this to me? That was awesome.), she made sure to use a different color for each new part.

As soon as she broke out the blue pen to break down the "-f(x)", I jumped back in my seat (it's Totally possible, problem?) and was hit with a wave of nostalgia.

Stage-like classroom.

Everyone at the board for some sort of mini-quiz.

David napping.

More colors of chalk than I knew existed.

Celli's Huge fancy notebook. Where'd you get that?

Everyone somehow getting the cheat codes for Sequences and Series.

Cockney bleedin' accents.

This was magnified because earlier in the day I saw someone with gray hair walking toward me a ways off with jeans and an old green T-shirt. Kathy? No, couldn't be.

But I like to think that, somewhere, somehow, whenever someone uses color-coded chalk to explain anything, Kathy is smiling.

And whenever someone has no fcuking clue what the fcuk a fcuking Proof by motherfcuking Induction is, she's smiling even wider.