1) I've said that life is fun, school is cool, all that. That's true, but I'm leaving out family time. While my relationship with my sister has never been better, I'm growing tired of my parents. Maybe it's just me getting tired around dinner time with the lack of food, but family dinners drag. My mom and I are cool right now, since I'm making efforts not to be a recluse doing work. My dad especially is very predictable in his jokes and sayings, and the fact that several people commented on our similarity recently plays to a fear of mine that I'm becoming exactly like him. I don't want to be. I really don't want to be mini-him. I'll take influences, but a clone is not what I want. On the topic of fears,
2) I have another fear that I'm incredibly shallow. You may know that I have not had the best success with the ladies. This fear has been stemming from an event two years ago where I had a girl approach me (an event echoed this summer) with romantic intentions, and I said no. We've maintained friendship (it's kind of a hilarious story how we interact nowadays. I'll tell it sometime.), but even then I knew that she was funny, smart; we'd make a great couple. But during the big conversation, I was just feeling nervous and off. So I'm either shallow and need a supermodel or I'm a robot who can't feel love.
YOU--->
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy that you are getting along better with your sister. When my brother and I finally became friends it really (and this is not an overstatement) changed my life and my entire vision for my future). As for your fear of being compared to your dad, I'm so sorry how much I stressed your similarities. None of us meant to belabor the point when we said that you two seemed alike, what we were talking about were small, insignificant things, like the way you stand, or the intonations of your voice. You are so funny and so creative and you should never doubt your originality, nor should you doubt the way others feel about you. Cruising around in the night bus this past weekend was one of my favorite/ happiest moments since coming home from TMS.
You're the best
love always,
Sarah
ps- It's its is bueno
You are cooler than your dad.
ReplyDeleteLove, Rachel
I'll try to broach the point about you being a robot who can't feel love. Not to be blunt but WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING. Actually though I know exactly what you are thinking. I've been there before. I knew you for a relatively short period of time if you think about it in context. Three months. It didn't take one day of your presence to understand that you love, hate, lust, laugh, become sad, eat, breathe. AKA you are human. As a comedian you understand the human condition better than most. You understand what is funny why its funny and how to tap people's energy for this. You get people. Now on the matter of loving people it could be your analytical thought processes. I believe that there was a final refection about that- being on the periphery because you think about the context of things. "Flowers are like people-- they are beautiful to a point but they eventually become so ugly they are almost repulsive." Just let yourself open up to someone and if its not right its not right. That doesn't say anything about your humanity.
ReplyDeleteLove, Jacob