I've been eyeing this unfinished draft for a while. No activity so I wonder if people want to think on this and post their own endings in the comments.
I lost it today. I was talking to a teacher that I'm close to about leaving for college next fall and
I just lost it. Up until that point I hadn't admitted to being afraid of leaving my high school and the changes it would bring, but somehow that teacher really got to me during our conversation and I started crying in his office. Coming back to school last fall was hard after TMS, but ultimately I ended up finding some really good friends this past year, and I established exactly where I fit in at my school. The thought of having to do that all over again terrifies me, regardless of how exciting the idea of going away to college is. And, as of now, I won't admit that to anyone in person, because it doesn't seem like anyone is feeling the same way.
ReplyDeleteI almost had a mental breakdown while I was running. Alone because I couldn't do the speed yet. It just plain sucks when it hurts to do what you need to do. Not running is no longer an option. I can't stand it. I got a hold of myself and joined a friend on his cool down. One and a half more miles and I would be done. Apparently while I was talking to my friend I said "fuck" just a little bit too loud. And no matter how much it hurts that is still not an appropriate response in front of 6th graders. My running coach caught wind of it and told me that my yelling sorry was not enough and that I had to go over and apologize in person. My friend and I cut across the field to were the soccer team stood. I said I was sorry and then it happened. All the pain just came out. I started crying and I tried to stammer out the rest of my apology. Apparently no matter how much it hurts, and how many times you have surgery "fuck" is not a good thing to say. Its just hard to tell yourself it doesn't hurt when it really does. And so no matter how much I smile or ignore the pain it fucking hurts.
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