Unproductive Reminiscing

Not to be cliché, but TMS has really been on my mind today—I can’t believe it has only been a year since that frigid day when Pat Barnes and Nick Kruse directed me to Underwood, Alden told us about Hardy Hardhead, and Kemi announced that she loved nail polish at the opening caucus. Alden then told us how we would get to know and love each other, how soon we wouldn’t believe that we didn’t know everyone’s names, and (I remember this really well) how we would everyone by the way their silhouette walked. But I didn’t focus on any of that. I convinced myself that I would die of hypothermia on the exercise in solitude, that I would be judged for going to Church with Susie the next day (didn’t sign up), that I would fail E. Sci (the Universe of Knowable Stuff is a bit daunting at first) and that I would never be friends with the strangers who sat all around me. What I didn’t know was how right Alden was, and I looking around me at the closing caucus and seeing the community we had built, the trust we had, I knew I had made some of the best friends of my life.

It really is hard being away from that. I feel guilty, because of the last twelve months, only four shine. I feel like I should be moving on, and I am perfectly content at home, but the longer I am here the more I love the Mountain School. A classmate’s recent nasty/racist blog made me think first of respect we had for each other, the more ridiculous class meetings I attend, the more I long for when adults used to trust us with figuring out our own community, and I was recently so frustrated in Philosophy class that I drew Pat’s universe diagram on the board. I am always surprised at how long I can spend reading over our final reflections and reliving my favorite memories. I wish we could do it all again, and of course that’s unproductive thinking, but just for today I am allowing it.