Growing

Last night, I performed a poem for the first time since Mountain School at an open mic in Brooklyn. The spoken word community here is really close, but I'm not cool with anyone yet. It's interesting because that's exactly what I wanted. I just went from feeling so close to every single person watching me perform (you guys) to wanting to perform in front of people I don't know. I told one of my friends that I was going to spit for the first time and she invited herself, but then I took it back. I knew I'd feel more comfortable reading to people who don't know. SO WEIRD.

It went well. I think I earned myself some respect and it was a very different poem that I'm loving more and more.

(sorry, this isn't very cohesive)

What I'm liking more and more about this slam poetry stuff is that it's my way of challenging what I've been learning this year, and that is that the world isn't Mountain School. People don't automatically care about your art or what you're doing. No one is going to beg you to express yourself and no environment will feel sooo comfortable that you feel compelled to share yourself and open your heart to the world. That all comes from us, and it's been coming from me a lot since Mountain School. I went back to school with so much confidence and motivation, but by putting myself out there I'm also making myself susceptible to getting put down. The more I step out, the more people see me, the more people can hate. As I get to know this experience and witness reactions to who I am and what I'm doing, I get used to it and can accept that not everyone agrees because I accept myself. I'm not completely there yet, but this is a great feeling and I'm so thankful to be learning this before I even get to college.

I'm feeling free.