Things seem to be changing right in front of my eyes this year.
While at Mountain School my oldest sister began dating a woman. It was something that I didn't think a lot about because she is my sister and I had no issue with her change in sexual orientation. I admire her ability to accept and embrace these new feelings; I love her more for saying "I accept love of any kind, boy or girl." She doesn't need to restrict herself by "coming out" as a lesbian or bi, she simply is able to accept the fact that she has found love with a woman.
My feelings toward this situation haven't changed, but since she finally got the courage to tell my parents a couple months ago nothing has been the same. There have been moments during the past couple months where I have felt as though my family is falling apart. My parents did not react in the way that my sisters and I had hoped. Family is the most important piece of my life for as long as I can remember and it has felt like a disconnect in my life with my parents not talking to my sister and my sister feeling as though they don't love her anymore. It has scared me to feel as though my family is capable of being broken after so many years of believing that nothing could.
I know my family must grow up, but to see it grow in this way has affected me more than I think about, more than I like to say. I have been so busy with school work, college apps, performances, and my senior project that I haven't allowed myself to acknowledge or at least put into words how my parent's actions and my family's dynamic has changed me. No longer do I feel as though I have the unconditional love of my parents; intellectually I know I do, but emotionally I doubt their ability to accept things outside their understanding.
I have become trapped in a small box and all I want is to escape the uncertainty and fragility that is closing in.
Thank NPR for this one... I was being a standard TMS kid and listening to Terry Gross and she was interviewing one of the founders of this website.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.itgetsbetter.org/
A lot of people talk about their families eventually coming around and understanding. Hope this helps.
wow. that's really intense. i've never really been in that situation so i don't exactly know what to say...all i can offer is that if you need any help escaping from the small box and keeping it from closing in completely, you've got an army of 44 to help you do that, dear.
ReplyDeleteThat is surprising, I remember your reaction to the change and thought that your parents would react the same. I have a feeling they will come around though, because of course they love their daughter and their family, it may just take some work to get it accepting and functioning like you want it. I'm here for you and I love you!!
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